This man. This man is the most supportive man, I'll go toe to toe with you on this! A couple of months ago we were on a motorcycle ride. I have food issues so he was pointing out different places we could stop to eat and waiting for a signal from me on which one was a thumbs up. He was maneuvering an 800 pound motorcycle with two people on it, just waiting for me to give the direction. In this world as a woman, I may have to fight for power, but in the safety of this relationship, I hold so much. He truly wants to make me happy. I see it Josh.
We started reminiscing at the restaurant about how I said 15 years ago, "I want to quit my job and work for Jesus!". His answer was, "O.K.! Let's do it. Do you know how?" I said "no, I just know it was what I'm called to." Fast forward to 4 years ago. I said, "I want to get my masters degree and become a professor." Again, "O.K., we'll do what we need to make it happen!" We. We'll do what's needed. No question, he was behind me and knew I could do it (before I did)! He has so much faith in me.
As we talked I mentioned how we give each other the power so beautifully. He said, "yes, we give it to each other, we don't throw it in each other's face." Man, that hit me so hard! To be really powerful, the most powerful version of yourself, you are willing to give that power away. That is exactly what Jesus did. He could have stopped his own crucifixion at any time, yet, He chose to give all of His God given power, as the son, away in that moment. I think sometimes relationship breakdowns occur because we are trying to protect our power, or to say it another way, we feel powerless. I used to feel powerless because I didn't trust Josh's intentions. As the years have passed, I learned to trust him, he's proven himself faithful.
But the truth is, I had to learn God's faithfulness towards me first. We talk a lot of our faithfulness to God in Christian teaching. But, we don't really have the ability to have perfect faithfulness, we try, and God sees it. Yet, He is perfectly faithful to us. The more I see and trust that...the more I can give my trust to others. The more I can let them drop the ball on that trust (because they will), give them mercy, and know God will catch me. Every. Damn. Time. Trust in God, brings trust in others. And through somatic practices, like yoga and meditation, I've learned to calm my body when they do.