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Leaves know how to surrender

I was reading this morning in the book of James. I love the book of James as someone who wants to act! Additionally, as a trauma survivor, I often feel like I need to be producing and ‘earning my keep’, even my love. So, as I read this morning in the Message paraphrase something jumped out at me. James drew the parallel of Spirit and body, to faith and works. Your spirit associated with faith; your body associated with the actions of faith.

From this inside out. We like outside in. We like doing first, then trying to let that be transformative. He sets it straight. Acts of faith come from the inside, and I might assert, we don’t like that because it’s messy. We might appear messy. Might get embarrassed, or the worst…we might be wrong. God forbid we be wrong in front of others, right?! Anyone else? Struggle with being wrong? I do. Not because I need to be right, but because I could get blamed if something goes wrong. Leftovers from being raised by a narcissistic borderline. If I got it wrong, she would not speak to me for days. Tragic for a kid who does not understand.

I went a little further in the thought with my own unique struggle with control. I think I try so hard to control because I don’t trust. I struggle to trust God, so I try to beat Him to the punch, and manipulate. I don’t trust so I try to control a narrative when being misunderstood because I don’t want them to think something (insert whatever you don’t want them to think here), as if I can control another’s thoughts!

So, I practice, detachment. In yoga we talk about attachments. In the Bible they talk about idolatry; things or people that get a place in your heart over God, The Divine. Yoga has been my tool to soothe my body so I can place God first. I do this so I can remember who I am. Not the little girl being punished for getting it wrong. But the strong and faithful daughter doing the best she can and getting it wrong sometimes. I think even in that He’s pleased, He sees the heart and the intentions behind it. So I surrender control. I let go. And let the freedom flow in!

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I can relate to everything you just said ! Thank you for sharing ! The sad part is all the ways to cope on my own strength just rob me of joy….. looking forward to more healing and more joy claiming/ restoration !

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