At least, I don't. I want comfort. I want the serenity this picture conjures up for me. But, the truth is, tension is exactly what we need to grow and transform. We don't like this truth. But, we pray for faith, patience, trust, and other really amazing attributes. And how do we want them? We want them easy. Just bestow them upon me God! No work on my end. No trouble or toil. Just magical patience and humility. I don't think it works that way.
So, let me ask you...the circumstance you are praying away right now. The thing that is the thorn in your side. Could that, somehow, be an answer to your prayers? Could that be the way that you are getting what you asked for, just not the way you asked for it?
I've walked alongside an amazing man who has struggled with chronic pain our whole marriage. I've prayed for healing for 22+ years. And yet, all alongside that, I was praying for compassion for others. For God to break my heart for what breaks his, etc. And you know what? My heart is broken and hurting for those who struggle with invisible illness. I have the biggest heart for those who are hurting. Could loving a man whose life if marked by pain contributed to that love for humanity? I think so!
Not that you should stop praying or working toward healing. I'll pray for Josh until my dying day. But, until then, I'll recognize that my love for him is so deep today because of this hard and tense journey that has challenged us in so many ways. We are who we are today because of his pain. I can actually say I'm grateful for it. I'm 22 years in and stronger than ever. We could not have done it without the pain, I'm sure. But we haven't so far. So I give thanks. Thanks for it all, even the hard stuff. Because at the end of the day, it is what makes us stronger.